July 8, 2020

10 invaluable tips which may save your life from Monty Python & The Holy Grail

To celebrate the 40th Anniversary and re-release of Monty Python & The Holy Grail in cinemas across the UK on tonight, here are ten invaluable tips from the film which may one day save your life…


1.An in Depth Knowledge of Ornithology is a must

We have since learnt that European swallows cannot carry coconuts, although the debate on the African swallow still rages on.

 2. Never trust relatives when the plague comes to town

With thousands dying every day, who’s going to miss one measly old father in law? Sleep with one eye open.

3. Know when you’ve lost a battle. 

Perseverance and resilience can be a virtue, but when limbs are being severed, best call it a day.

4. Don’t weigh the same as a duck 

Witches burn because they’re made of wood and also weigh the same as a duck. Best keep some around for when the fire get low.

5. Don’t let French taunting get the better of you, unless you want farm animals catapulted at you.

If battles were won by verbal insults alone, the French wouldn’t be known as “cheese-eating surrender monkeys” Also take their comments about Grail ownership seriously, it may save you time looking for it.

6. Avoid grail shaped beacons atop abbeys, with young temptresses inside. 

The gate keepers of the castle Anthrax can result in minor peril – Be warned.

 7. Know your local shrubber. 

Those who fail to build a rapport with their Shrubber can envoke the wrath of the Knights who say Ni!

8. To a knight, the only good rabbit is a dead rabbit. 

When wooden models of them aren’t being launched from a French castle crushing your servant, they’re tearing the throat of your fellow knights.

9. Have a good general knowledge and know your favourite colour off by heart. 

One slip up on the bridge of death can mean life or (unsurprisingly) death.

10. Avoid altercations with local law enforcement. 

Don’t go around killing local historians and you’ll probably be safe with this one.

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