I am missing you numbers course through my veins dates and times I cannot forget no matter how many spoonfuls of sugar I swallow place cardboard cut-outs over my eyes, love maybe then I will remember how to open my heart to allow the happiness in and let the angst trickle out realign our shadows and just maybe I will feel your lungs overlap mine helping me breathe a little clearer and shaking out the stiffened parts of me
©Flaneur Ventures
The poem is passable in the ‘bare nutrition needed to live sense’. I dare say that this Flaneur site put it up because it wouldn’t make them look bad. The wording, allegories and metaphors are bad to the point of incomprehensibility and confusion. I do not know whether the lover is there or off fighting dragons. Why should I care about this lover? What makes him great? What makes my affection genuine?
The last stanza is the worst of it. While I can imagine being close to the dragon-fighting lover would be awesome, I cannot imagine his shadow having any import. People do not breathe well when they are truly in love, or even experiencing a crush. The closer I get my brain fogs my palms sweat and I would FAIL an IQ test, should one be presented. I’m sure everyone’s different, but I am not satisfied with shadows. I cannot eat the shadow of a hamburger. While Poetry may be used as an excuse, it is a poor one and I will not except it.
Lastly over all feeling. The writer oscillates between being in lovelorn desire for their missing lover then unable to open their heart to them then being satisfied just in their shadow. To which I would advise ‘get some bipolar medication you stereotypical Tsundere’ And to the lover, ‘dump this broad and get a lover who will be honest to you.’