Inane Thoughts by Hugo Danforth

‘Maps! Has anyone ever folded one back up?’
Some people have intimated that they could write this column stand- ing upside-down with both hands tied behind their backs. Which is nonsense, unless they were dictating. It’s not that easy you know. As an ex- ample, I was sitting at the computer thinking ‘You’ve had three months to write your article and the deadline is tomorrow. Time to earn the mil- lions.’ I looked around the room and wondered what to write about. It has to be interesting or the editor sends it back. Or rather he used to – which is why I now send the copy in at the last minute. Saves on re-writes.
So there I was, hands poised over the keyboard like a surgeon about to op- erate, when the doorbell went. Why do we say the doorbell went? It didn’t go anywhere. There’s a whole article there, I thought, maybe even a book. However my active mind had already moved on.The postman had handed me a map I had ordered.Yes, a map! In this time of sat nav and GPS you might have thought that maps were redundant, like bathing machines or [NOTE: put something else that is redundant here], but you can’t luxu- riate in the bath looking at a GPS. I spread the map on the floor and made imaginary journeys across the country.