School of Saatchi – Is This Art??? by Johanna Lambert

Oooohhh I think I get it now. This is art, right?! This programme is a work of contemporary art ? It’s a self referential, ironic statement about the cultural decline of Western civilisation. The devaluation of art. The reality TV show really is the perfect format to convey how cheap art has become and how distorted our cultural and social values are. Yeah? Perhaps there are cameras filming the cameras that are filming the art school graduates’ attempts to please “the reclusive Charles Saatchi” and his gang. I really hope so. Otherwise one must conclude that this is another reality TV show that costs a pittance to make and rakes in a tidy profit. Or, if you’re feeling less cynical, this is a quality television programme that has been made by a reputable institution to bring art to the masses. You know, dumb it down a bit so everyone can appreciate pretty pictures and understand the significance of whistles hanging from handle bars. Also, it gives young artists a once in a lifetime opportunity (although I’m sure there’ll be a second series. And a third… fourth… fifth…) to promote their work, get their faces on the telly box ensuring a level of recognition and potentially a shit load of money so they can pay off the massive debts they’ve accumulated paying tuition fees and the like as art students. This training being put to good use by whoring themselves on this Big Brother bastard child. So Saatchi never appears on the show himself ? Hmmm, could that perhaps be because it would be a tad embarrassing? Not for the show, that probably couldn’t be more so, I mean for him. Although his non-appearance, some orchestral music and members of his troupe stating that he is a “king maker” contribute to a God-like image of him. Maybe he just couldn’t make the time. “What is art?” You hear that a lot in the first episode. Perhaps the more pertinent question is “what is Charles Saatchi?” I really am beginning to wonder. So what is art? That’s a pretty big question with a straight-forward answer, just cut out the philosophical bullshit and be realistic. Art is whatever Charles Saatchi says it is because he’s the guy with the biggest bankroll. However one seriously defines art, I think it should have a degree of dignity about it. School of Saatchi is degrading and embarrassing to art and artists. There is no dignity here. No Saatchi either…but we can excuse that cos he’s got all that omni-stuff to be getting on with. Competitors console yourselves, if the art side of it doesn’t take off, if Saatchi doesn’t give you a crown and throw a shit load of money in your face, there are alternatives. Ladies, you can always go topless for Nuts or Zoo. And gents, you’ll probably get laid more often. Everyone’s a winner.