Gambler who lost £5bn says ‘Acting in best interest of UK’

The biggest gambling loss ever was racked up by a speculator who claimed he was acting in the best interests of the UK.
Despite having access to the best financial forecasting in the country, the high-roller, who we will only refer to as ‘Gordon Brown’ managed to lose the fortune by muddling basic economic rules.
‘We told him it was supposed to be Buy Low Sell High’, said an unnamed source at the Treasury, ‘but he said it was definitely Buy High, Sell Low.’
A spokesman said that £5bn wasn’t very much really and they planned to claim it back on expenses.